Tucker Archer

Archive for February, 2011|Monthly archive page

Chapter 59: Semi-Satiated

In Uncategorized on February 28, 2011 at 3:41 am

M2 has posh tech and cash to spare, and that means we’re lying supine in the chambers of yet another grand hotel.

“If I’d known you’d planned un voyage gastronomique, I would have brought bigger clothes,” I groan at M2.

“Showing you the sights was the least I could do after you got me out of that jam,” she chuckles.

“Yes, but now I feel like I’m about to burst. All this heavy food is making me nod off after every meal.”

Actually, I feel almost sick with fatigue.

M2 passes out.

Too late, I understand. They’ve gassed us.

They’re coming.

Chapter 58: Potations and Libations

In Uncategorized on February 27, 2011 at 9:55 am

One final list. Just to give you a sense of what traveling with M2 has been like, here are the highlights from our beverage selections over the last week. Because when you’re eating fried ants and raw coelacanth, you’ve got to have something to wash it all down with.

1. Châteauneuf du Pape, 1987 (Paired well with velociraptor)
2. McIlhenny’s Wild Scallop Stout
3. Curried Yam Bubble Tea
4. Fermented mare’s milk
5. Admiral’s Old Antisocial Ale
6. Dandelion and burdock floats (with lavender ice cream, not vanilla)
7. Salted lychee wine
8. Kälte Knoblauchwurstwassertonika
9. Marineris brand bottled water. Harvested from 40,000-year-old ice deposits found beneath the Martian surface.

Chapter 57: Another List: Comestibles Diary

In Uncategorized on February 26, 2011 at 8:43 am

The Strangest Things We Ate This Week

1. Yogurt-flavored Pepsi (I don’t care what M2 says. This counts as food.)
2. A McDLT
3. Coelacanth sashimi
4. Gourmet jelly beans (Flavors: Persimmon, Himalayan Salt, Hair)
5. An edible sweater woven from a “soy bean-lentil food composite”
6. Inside-out banana
7. Deep-fried ants with jackfruit chutney
8. Grilled cheese sandwich (The only “normal food” in a sea of weird meals, making it exotic in its familiarity)
9. Ghost Chili Peppers a la Mode
10. Long pig
11. Velociraptor steaks, medium
12. “Armcambra” (think Turducken, but made with Armadillo, Camel, and Zebra)
13. Wildberry Tic Tacs (Oddly, the only illegal food we ate in any timeline)

Chapter 56: A List of Enemies We Have Made This Month

In Uncategorized on February 25, 2011 at 9:00 am

After 30 days of traveling with M2’s advanced tech, we’ve covered a lot of ground, seen a lot of interesting worlds, and gotten into more trouble than I had expected. Here’s a list of people who hate us now.

1. President Bush, III
2. The Gates Foundation
3. A velociraptor M2 jokingly referred to as “Sweetheart”
4. The staff of the London Zoo
5. A clerk named Lurleen at a 7-11 in Beaumont, Texas
6. The coordinators of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
7. Girl Scout Troop 11487

Oh yeah, and those same guys that were trying to abduct M2 the day I met her. So, you know. That’s great.

Chapter 55: Eat Your Heart Out

In Uncategorized on February 24, 2011 at 3:47 am

M2 pops the cork on another bottle of wine, and says, “How would you like to see the really weird stuff?”

“How weird?”

“You aren’t limited by your tech anymore. We can travel a lot further ‘in a single bound’, so to speak.”

“So what can we see?”

“Think worlds in the style of Marvel’s old ‘What If?’ line? An America where the Cold War never ended, a timeline where people live side-by-side with dinosaurs on the Great Plains, a world where everyone has psychic abilities.”

“But don’t we have enough problems in these familiar timelines?,” I asked her.


Chapter 54: Range and Means

In Uncategorized on February 23, 2011 at 1:30 am

M2 and I are from parallel universes that have very few points of divergence. We have a lot of common ground. But she knows how to reach the strangest places.

Normally, I can only travel to worlds that have some kind of direct connection to each other. Let me illustrate.

Imagine you’re driving a car through a desert. My mode of travel between worlds is like crossing the border from Arizona into New Mexico. It’s pretty uneventful.

But what if you were driving, hit the state line, and instead of New Mexico, you crossed into Greenland?

That’s what M2 can do.

Chapter 53: Avant Voyage

In Uncategorized on February 22, 2011 at 2:13 am

We’re sitting by a fire in a posh hotel suite that’s way beyond our means. It’s glorious, after last week.

M2, as I’ve affectionally begun to think of Margery the Formerly Bound, is waxing poetic about her shiny new tech. I’d be jealous, except for that fact that we’ve decided to travel together for a while…so I get to play with all her toys.

Her gear is incredibly precise, and has outstanding range. I’ve been limited to a small selection of worlds. But she knows how to reach places I’ve only dreamed about. The next 6 weeks are gonna be amazing.

Chapter 52: The Hidden Reality

In Uncategorized on February 21, 2011 at 8:03 am

Everything beautiful in life comes down to the elegance of numbers.

Brian Greene argues that it’s theoretically possible for scientists using advanced math to predict how particles move. With comprehensive equations, we could predict those particle movements to the extent that we could map a parallel universe extensively…even if it isn’t a place we could ever visit.

Can you imagine? You could be a cartographer without ever leaving your desk, and your maps would reveal every possible movement of every particle in that universe. And my newest acquaintance says she’s got the tech to pull off all those calculations.


Chapter 51: Simple Meals

In Uncategorized on February 20, 2011 at 12:04 am

Breaking bread with her is like breathing out and breathing in again. It’s autonomic, effortless, calm.

I never have to say “pass the salt” or “may I have the butter”. She already knows how I take my tea, how I like to over-salt my steaks. And likewise, I know that she hates orange juice, and will always refuse to take the last cookie (no matter how much she’d like to eat it).

Mealtimes are silent, but perfectly coordinated. The dinner table is a dance hall, and we know all the steps.

By far, she is my favorite Margery of them all.

Chapter 50: A Brief Explanation

In Uncategorized on February 19, 2011 at 7:33 am

A moment’s pause here, I think, to explain a bit about how a Margery travels. Because, of course, we don’t all do it in the same way.

Every Margery has some natural talent for traveling. I’m not sure if it’s something in our blood or what, but it explains why we are drawn like magnets to universes where a Margery lives, and shot away from universes where there are no Margeries to be found.

Some other Margeries have developed tech to augment these natural gifts, giving them better control, or further reach.

Margery the Formerly Bound is one of the latter.